Life has been so weird lately. I have all these things I had planned on doing and I had planned so much that I planned myself into a slump. The year started out great. Then it was too much. I shut down and ended up doing the bare minimum.

The worst part about it, is that I am just so tired of existing. I am tired of doing just what NEEDS to be done. I want to do what I want to do. I want to write and paint and create. I want to go on long walks with my well trained dog (we are working on the well trained part, she is so hard headed!). I want to do so many things and this has been my whole life. I want to do so much that I just end up standing in the middle of a field, surrounded by all the things I want to do with no clue how to manage it all. For some reason my brain things that if I can’t do it all, then I do nothing!

There is just not enough time in the day. There is not enough time in my human life! It’s not like I can tune everyone out and just worry about me. I still have to be social for my mental health.

How does one mange life when you want to do everything?!

Even as a kid I wanted to do everything. I was going to become a lawyer in the military and a pediatrician and a veterinarian and a foster mom and run a dog rescue and build homes for the homeless and save the world. I was going to be a vampire/werewolf/mermaid/witch. Not to mention, first female president. I had dreams! I still have dreams! And they are so big that I don’t even know where to start. This is how I get to almost 40 years old and accomplished nothing aside from existing.

I am going to go wander off into the void and see if I can find a direction.